Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
