Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
