maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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