cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
