well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
