just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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