You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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