yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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