You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
