so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
