If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
