when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
