Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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