I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
