Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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