clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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