Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
