so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
