great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize