I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
