Can Purell be used as lube?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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