Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
