try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
