Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
