She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
