i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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