We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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