I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
