Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
