So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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