I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
