I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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