I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
