I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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