you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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