You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
