I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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