we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
