first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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