Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So vagazzling was a success
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
