I'm eating all of the evidence.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
