Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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