i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
