Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
