i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize