walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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