I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
