that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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