Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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