are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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