Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
