Porn is love you can see.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
