I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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