you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
