needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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