Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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