I think im going to throw up on grandma
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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