hotel room ftw
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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