spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
