I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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