I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
