neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
