If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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