you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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