I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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