Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize