hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
