you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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